Not like that didn't freak me the fuck out or something. Still, I can't stay mad at the old man after this weekend. I think any normal person would've freaked out, too.
Trust them, dad. This is the closest you can get to the truth without getting in more danger. Even just by being my father, you're already a threat. Right now, though, it's just men with guns. Men you can deal with for now. Please, please, please, PLEASE. Don't ask me where I went yesterday. Don't ask me where I went TODAY. Don't pry into these things. For both of us.
For those of you wondering where I went, I did some investigating of woods in the area. I've been looking for strange circles of stone. Worn rock shrines. Graves. Anything that might hint at his presence in this area. I found...a few interesting things. Some forests that, according to stories, had been devoid of animal life longer than the oldest man in town could remember. Older than their GRANDPARENTS remembered. I didn't go looking yet, if only because I don't know if I'm ready for this yet.
Fisk is still snooping. Fisk still wants me pretty bad after Sunday. I'm working to the bone just to keep a bullet out of my head. If He gets involved...if He notices that I'm looking...I can't even imagine how it'll end. I don't want to get caught up like this. I want to help, guys. I want to stop this, before it'll end us all. But...I don't know. It just feels like getting AIDS so I can figure out a cure sooner. It's like if you could get AIDS just from LOOKING for a cure.
I'm still a kid. I have too many things still going on with my life. I can't go on the run; I don't need that kind of stress in my life right now. I...I'm sorry. Spender. Daisee. All of you guys. I know you all have your own things to do. Ireland. Redlight. But...if you can spare just a minute for me?
I don't know what to do. I don't know if I...if I'm ready to put my life on the line like this. I have an entire life ahead of me. So many things to do, so many places to go...I've never even left North Carolina.
If I get involved, I might have to start going on the move anyways. But I'll barely have any time to enjoy the sights.
Please...just...someone. Help me decide what to do. Help me decide if this is worth it. I'm just a kid. I'm not ready for this.
God, I need a girlfriend. But then He could probably take her from me.