Saturday, February 26, 2011

I...think I'm ready.

Or as ready as I'll get.  It's still pretty unsettling, and I can't close my eyes for long without freaking out.

I forgot to mention, I had my cell phone.  Probably because it pretty much completely froze when I walked in there; even the clock stopped.  I don't have any idea how long I was in there, but I was absolutely starving when I got home; ate two 12 ounce steaks, and then went to my room to crash.  But, I'll get to that a little later.  Back to my story.

Bear Grylls has got shit on me.  I'm pretty sure even he would've tucked tail and ran in this place.  It was know that feeling like you're being watched?  It was that, every second, all over.  Some part of my brain was just screaming at my rational side to get the fuck out of here.  Luckily, my dog likes to pull.  I might have just hung around forever if not for that.

Wandering, wandering, just trying not to vomit...and then He shows up.  Ava said it was like something really flat turning to face you?  For me it was more like a puzzle being formed.  First there were just random stabs of light, and tree branches, and leaves, and then there was a patch of black.  Then I saw an arm coming, and the suit we all know and loathe...and then of course, the face.  I watched him start to almost...fade in, piece by piece.  And I had to loop my hand around my dog's leash 4 or 5 times to keep him from charging, and probably getting himself killed.

I should've brought some other weapon.  I should've expected him.  I should've known that I was in over my head.  I guess that I'm not as smart as I think I am.  Still, he didn't attack.  He didn't even seem to care.  At first, he just kinda stared at me, and my dog.  Then he started walking forward, though walking wasn't really a word for it.  Ever seen a puppet show?  One with all those marionettes? Yeah, cut about half those strings and you're getting there.  He was...jerking his body forward bit by bit, and I think if I'd turned to run he wouldn't have been half that slow.  Or half as generous.

He was close enough for me to reach out and touch, when he pretty much...waved.  I think he was showing me where to go.  And I'm not sure if I said it, or he made me say it, or if I thought I said it, but I swear to God, I just knew what he wanted to say.

"Come and see."

That motherfucker was PROUD of...of whatever it was I found.  I could feel it.  I've always been good with intrapersonal skills; I'm usually the first to know when my friends are upset.  But I just looked into that smooth face, and I couldn't even begin to say what he was feeling.  Oh, I FELT it, sure enough, but...I don't think that the human tongue could speak any of the words he'd use to describe his feelings, and even just processing them would probably take years.  I was sacred out of my mind, sure.  Could barely move.  But even more than that, I was PISSED.  I hated this guy for being so fucking enigmatic.  I hated this feeling of being a fish out of water.  Of being alone.  I hated the way I just couldn't UNDERSTAND.

Of course, I walked the path he pointed out, all the while my dog alternating between whimpering and snarling.  I'm pretty sure he was behind us, making sure we didn't get lost.  Jesus Fuck, I hate feeling corralled in every day life.  This was just too much.  But eventually I got there, and I don't even know what I saw.

At first it looked like a bunch of little stick men, but when I got close I could see they were crosses.  Clumsy, lopsided crosses made worse by time and nature, but crosses nonetheless.  I also saw a few rocks on top of what I just KNEW was graves.  I didn't stop to count, because I was too busy sneaking glances to make sure He wasn't going to just rip my head off.  I'm pretty sure I saw at least a hundred, though.

Then he pretty much came towards me again, and he reached out with one of those fucking arms.

And I woke up in my car, with a note pinned to my shirt.  Actually, pinned to my chest; I felt a small prick every time I moved, and when I finally yanked it off, there was just a little note.  I don't know if I wrote it, or if he had some Proxy waiting outside, or...shit.

It didn't say much.  Just told me I can still back out if I want.  He wants me to pass on what I saw, of course.  But it said if I just end my blog now, and go back to my life, he won't come after me.

I don't believe it for a second, of course.  What about you guys?


  1. I think...I think that even if you go back to your life, it's not going to be easy. Even if he leaves you alone, you'll never really be alone. Plus, all that stuff you've done for nothing? Well, there's my two cents, worth about half as much, I think. *Joce

  2. Fuck no, man. I'm in the thick of it now. Even if he lets me go, I won't be able to forget. Whatever those graves are...maybe they're animals he killed there...maybe they're people that tried to kill him once...they're important. I can feel it.

    Besides, I haven't felt this alive in months. I'm not going to just go through life anymore. I'm taking control. I'm going to make something of this.

    No, I'm here to stay. I won't run. I won't cry. I'm going to do this, and I'm going to do it right.

    Wish me luck.

  3. A thousand times over, friend. *Joce

  4. So the question is, what exactly did you see? I'm not talking about just the graves. I mean, what did they symbolize? What's buried there? And why the hell would he feel so proud of it?

  5. I'm not sure. I'm really not. But I'm getting myself properly prepared. I've got everything I need to head back in there.

    This time I'm not coming out without something to show for it.